The Hinternet Needs Your Help!
A Holiday Gift Idea, and an Earnest Imploration
Dear Readers,
Long story short, we at The Hinternet want and need your subscription — at least if we are to keep expanding next year in line with our current plans.
Long story long, as usual we have a good deal more to say. For one thing, we have to admit that we are, malgré nous, increasingly impressed by ChatGPT and related technologies. Here, for example, is a reply that complaisant chatbot furnished, upon being asked to describe The Hinternet, that pleased us very much indeed:
The Hinternet is an online publication that combines sharp philosophical analysis with cultural criticism and experimental style. It emphasizes an intellectual and creative approach, blending high-concept ideas with accessible narratives. Topics span literature, technology, and socio-political reflections. If you’re intrigued by cultural and literary explorations with a contemporary twist, The Hinternet exemplifies the intersection of thoughtful writing and digital-era connectivity.
Well done, computer! You know it, brother!
Next we asked that sweet-talking LLM to tell us, in view of the total number of our subscribers, how much money The Hinternet likely makes per year. And here, we are sorry to say, the chatbot began to hallucinate rather floridly:
In view of the total number of subscribers, it is likely that The Hinternet brings in upwards of $700,000 per annum.
Friends, this is so far from the truth that it pains us. ChatGPT simply has no idea how low our paid-subscription rates really are at present.
To be sure, our total readership is growing all the time, especially since we got the growth bee in our bonnets sometime this past summer. Just look at the numbers:
There is much cause to rejoice in the upward slant of that line. But if we are growing so robustly and healthily, part of what explains this has been our unusual liberality with the unpaywalled content, which, regrettably, lulls many readers into the belief that they are getting at least an adequate approximation of the full Hinternet experience. In truth these readers are more like the kids on dirt-bikes lingering outside the stadium, hearing the dull thumping of the amps, and climbing and straining to get a brief glimpse of the back of some rock idol’s head whom they are unwilling or unable to pay to see the right way.
We love you all, but we do need to bring at least some portion of you out of the parking lot and into the stadium simply in order to do all that we want to do in the coming year. And there’s so much we want to do: to pay our small but still very real and very hungry editorial staff; to pay our guest writers; to cover the increasingly significant expenses associated with audiovisual production, and with our emerging “Hinternet Production Laboratories” division, about which you may be sure you will be hearing more soon; to pay for the distinctive Hinternet bookmarks currently being printed and sent out to the coolest bookstores in New York, London, Paris, and Montpelier, Vermont; and even to pay for the must-have totes that will be ready sometime in the spring of 2025. While we would not exactly say we intend to become a corporate media empire, we do have some real ambition to “scale”, as they say, this coming year. We are confident that you will love the results of this scaling, but we also warn that you will only be able fully to delight in these if you are among the paid subscribers.
We are currently studying the latest peer-reviewed papers in behavioral psychology, figuring out exactly the right “nudge” mechanisms by which to convert our free subscribers into paid ones, by means so subtle they won’t even know what happened to them. But we would rather not have to resort to such paternalism and coercion. We would rather get those numbers up by convincing our readers of the inherent worthiness of supporting our project, and of what we take to be the very real benefits of full membership in something like a community — imaginary, sure, but aren’t they all?
So let’s get down to business. Here, concretely, are some concrete ways you can help us.
Your first option: just get a plain old normal annual or mensual subscription already!
Your second option: in this season of giving and great generosity of spirit, why not really get into that spirit yourself and give a gift subscription to someone you love, or someone you don’t love but are obligated to include on your Christmas-gift list? This option is especially great for those wonderful people in your life who hate, like we do, physical objects that must be lugged around, ever threatening to send us over the checked-baggage weight-limit. We mean, no one really wants stuff anymore. That is so 20th century!
Your third option: are you an only moderately evil oligarch? We could use your support, and we assure you our threshold for tolerance of your shadiness is high, high indeed. To that end, we have put together a stunning portfolio outlining our mission, our objectives, our reach, and all that, in just the way the corporate world likes to see, and we will be pleased to share this with you if it may be of interest. You may contact us at editor@the-hinternet.com.
Finally, are you plum down on your luck? It’s not your fault and of course we love you just as much! Here’s what we would ask of you, in lieu of luchre: let your family, friends, frenemies, and assorted hangers-on know about us! Spread the word! We do not in fact have oligarchs backing us, at least not yet, and for as long as our operation runs only on subscriptions, the more people who simply know that there is this place called The Hinternet, the more at least some percentage of these will eventually become paid subscribers. So, consider the work we do. Do you like it? Tell people about it. Share it. Are you a media person, or someone with a readership of your own? Then write about it. We need you.
We wish you a very joyous Christmas and a 2025 filled, as we expect ours to be, with love, discovery, and much-deserved pride in your hard and honest work.
—Olivia Ward-Jackson
Managing Editor, The Hinternet
